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Psalm 30

on June 28, 2011

Nothing more than a reminder of where of I’ve been and where I’m going to help me with how I live where I am.

Lord God I love you and that’s easy for me to say, but for me to do is another story.  My love can’t just be a feeling, it must act and lately Lord, it hasn’t.  We both know this, yet I must confess to you because in silence I’ll only drown.  I can’t manage to swim in shame and guilt, it’s far too overbearing, it goes way over my head and suffocates me.  In the garden Adam and Eve hid from you, but though they and I have been a disgrace, your loving grace removes our shame.  Why day to day it seems so hard to do what I know I should do…I forget day by day that I can only do anything because of you.  Lord make me humble.  I exalt you above all I have and all I want.  I want nothing more than to want you most and when I don’t I feel so broken.  My soul aches and yet I don’t turn to you…then I think back to where I once was.  I remember life without you.  It wasn’t life.  Fun times were short lived and rarely came without pain.  But I know that my former pains strengthened to endure the pains that come with joy of knowing you.  As dark as life may seem, truth is you are my guiding light.  You break through all the darkness.  Right now I only see glimpses and I have to squint to see them, but none the less they’re there and they’re leading out of the starless night to bright and shining Son.  There is nothing good in me without the good that is you and so I am filled with that joy, the joy of knowing my substainer.  Thank you for all you do.

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