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Lament

on November 5, 2010

I read Lamentations this morning, despite the fact I really didn’t want to meet with God today. Yesterday I briefly studied how to rid yourself of habitual sins.  So I have this kind of anger, I think it’s righteous, but is it me or generally speaking does church not really give us the depth of what sin does in our lives.  Why is it that we don’t utterly despise it the way God does.  Sin spits in the face of mercy and grace and most importantly God.

Because we know there’s forgiveness, it’s acceptable?  I think not!  I have my ish that goes back way before i was saved…I mean I’m talking stuff I’ve dealt with for more than half my life and now I’m redeemed and I want it gone, but I’m so entirely entangled.  Sin comes from within us.  The dirty magazine does not cause sin.  It’s not society’s fault I desire riches.  Our very nature is sinful…almost makes the cause sound hopeless, but we know better…at least we should.

The battle is not one that can be won easily.  It takes real hard effort and work to fight our sin.  It almost scares me…no it does.  It seems daunting.  And it’s a forever…til Jesus comes back battle.  The weapon, the Word.  Piercing?  Should be.  the Word is our arms against sin.

So, this morning as I fought the thoughts of “God I don’t wanna talk to you, I don’t wanna hear you.  I’ve got things to do”  I forced myself to read Lamentations because lately my sin has kept me from God.  I’ve felt like five years of faith and no progress…what’ s the point.  But I have to remember that the heart is decietful and wicked and what I feel is lies and counts for little.  What I know is Christ and he died for something not nothing.  He sacrificed his life to glorify God and satisfy his father’s wrath and now too must I.  I must murder my selfish ambitions, the things that make me feel good and take up my cross…a HEAVY load that I’ll bear til my physical death.  but my God is for me so who and what can be against me…the battle’s already be won.

If you’re a believer reading this blog right now, don’t take it lightly.  Sin destroys our lives, it wrecks our fellowship with God and ruins our spiritual growth…as John Macarthur says, impurity does not grow spirituality…makes sense when you actually think about it.  So I don’t care what you thought you knew, what you need to know is sin simply is not ok…don’t get stuck in it and if you are you better put on your armor and actively fight it.  God is watching.

My  Lord, Lord over my entire being, this life is yours.  I believe in your mercy.  I believe in your grace.  I believe in the power of your Holy Spirit within me and I thank you for these things.  My redeemer lives and my battle is not my own.  Lord I feel the guilt and shame of my sins, I feel the heavy weight of sin upon my shoulders and I offer my remorse.  I hate the feeling Lord, but I need to feel this way for this moment because I need to be broken in ordr that you may mold me into who I should be.  Father forgive my unrepentant heart for things which I’ve done, for the sin I’ve not let go and barely even put up a fight against.  I’m tired Lord, I can’t live like this.  I can’t be against you and to live tolerating sin, entertaining it…I’ve been living against you. Father allow me your strength that I might fight this thing wholeheartedly.  Provide for me believers who will hold me accountable and admonish me in love so I might grow.  I wanna be closer to you.  I wanna be more like your son.  I want a real sincere testimony with no hidden secrets or lies in it’ s midst.  So lead me not into temptation and deliver me from evil that I may be the holy and righteous child of God you’ve designated me as.  I love you sooo much God and i thank you sooo much for your love for me.  All praises to you.  Amen

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