God's First Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Your Source of Daily Encouragement and Inspiration From God's Word

Great Healing

on May 27, 2010

I’m not sure if I shared this before, but if I have please bear with me, there’s a reason I’m sharing it again.  Once upon a time there was a little girl.  She was rather shy.  She didn’t have a lot of friends, but she a very special best friend with whom she did most everything.  Her best friend was so cool, everyone loved her.  She would have the coolest birthday parties and everyone would go.  One year, about third grade, the little girl decided that for the first time she too wanted a birthday party.  She had a pretty good year in school and found herself playing with a lot of the kids so she figured they must be her friends.  She handed out her invites and was so excited.  It was to be her best birthday ever.  As the day drew near her mother wondered why no one had rsvp’d, but she figured people would just show up.  They didn’t.  The young girl kneeled at the front window of her home waiting in vain for her guests to arrive, but no one came.  She didn’t cry, she couldn’t, instead she just locked up inside all that she felt and there it stayed for years and years.  She had been told that the only reason any of the children played with her at all was because they liked her best friend who she was always with…not her.  Unconsciously that shaped pretty much her whole existence for the rest of childhood into her adulthood.  She lost two very important things that day.  She lost her trust and she lost her self worth.  She grew to believe that everyone had a hidden agenda, that no one could just love her or want her simply for her because she wasn’t worth it.  This became the frame of mind she applied to every friendship, every relationship including family.  The reason I share this story is because I am heading up a summer camp this year and this story reminds of how important the role of leading and loving children is.  Most importantly it reminds of what value comes in teaching them about the God who planned, created and loves them unconditionally, a love only He can give.  A love that once recognized has the power to heal all hurts and wounds and overcome all obstacles.  A love that forgives.

The little girl in the story was me.  Even though it took place a long time ago, in my mind it’s as clear as yesterday.  For years I had blocked it out.  At 15, in a suicidal state, it came back to me as Satan reminded me of every event in my life that could possibly be misconstrued to convince me my life wasn’t worth living.  I never realized just how great an impact this event had on my life until becoming a Christian and realizing that every time something went wrong in my life I would hear that deceitful voice in my head whispering “remember when?”, “no one wants you, no one loves you”, “you’re not good enough” This comes up now because I’ve known Christ for 5 years now and still I haven’t let go.  I thought I did, but I am used to being who I am… or at least who I thought I was, but the time has come to be who God made me.  I fear maybe I lost a very special and dear friend because I couldn’t trust their love for me was sincere.  I’m not willing to lose anymore.  I pray they can forgive me and try to understand, shutting down, shutting out was for so long my only defense.  Now I understand my real defense is the blood of Christ.  I hope they’ll give me another chance to be a part of their life, but I know second chances are rare.  So at the very least I can say God has given me a much needed awakening and for that I’m thankful.  Not only will it change my life, but now as I go into  ministry I have that extra fire in me that no child, woman or man should have to feel what I felt or be bound by such a feeling for so long because for reasons such as this Christ came to us and set us free.

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