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My Pride

on May 23, 2010

Anyone who really knows me well knows that I express myself best through writing. It’s always been the outlet for my emotions.  I’ve been writing a lot lately, not just on my blog, but I have friends who read this and I’d like them to pray with me.  Since I’m not one to necessarily speak everything out loud this is my way of letting them know.  I hope others can relate as well and know they’re not alone because at times it truly feels that you are.

Father am I being hypocritical

I don’t want to go by my feelings or only by my own heart

I need to hear you clearly and I search your word

but am I searching out truth or only what I’d like to hear

sometimes its so confusing, i almost feel as though i’m only using you

i don’t want to be one of those people who only seeks you when I’m in need

although i guess i constantly am, but you know what i mean

i want to want you for you, not for what you can do for me, but for what you have done for me

i don’t want to cry empty tears over a broken heart that i broke myself out of stubbornness and disobedience

i don’t want to keep tripping over my own feet

Help me see clearly, help me understand

give me godly discernment and a genuine want of you, of your will for me

sometimes it really just hurts, it feels like its all crumbling and i’m not sure why

or i won’t admit the reason is my own selfish pride

i don’t want to be proud and I know the only thing i have to be proud of is you

and to that extent, you chose me to be your vessel, your servant so I can’t even take ownership

i feel lost in a crowd ya know

just like a small child lost in a shopping mall

like i don’t know who to trust, who’ll take my hand and lead me back to you

like i’m all on my own in the big, bad scary world

i know i’m not, but it’s hard to open my heart to anyone else

because even though i know there are some on my side, some who know you too

i feel like if i’m so confused they must be too and maybe even with the best of intentions they may lead me astray or give me into the wrong hands

still i don’t wanna be alone, it’s frightening on my own

i just don’t want to hurt and hurt’s a part of life

but i know it all too well and i guess i’m just tired

i’m trying to rest in you, find my strength in you, but i keep walking into a wall

even when all seems clear, there’s the open door i think, but really it is a glass wall and i just collide and get hurt once more

when does it end, do i even have a right to ask

i know you hear me so i won’t lie

these are the things i feel and i just don’t wanna feel…i just don’t wanna feel


One response to “My Pride

  1. Renata says:

    Excellent. God is good

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